My dearest little bird –
You jumped out of the nest too soon, I think. You weren’t quite ready to fly, or maybe you were a bit too confident in how well you could fly, but whatever the reason, you jumped. And I think maybe you flew a bit too high and got a little singed before you hit the ground. My heart hurts so much because I can’t pull you back into the nest, under my wings. There are things I can’t protect you from, now its time for you to fly in the bigger world, even though maybe you weren’t as ready as you thought. There are things now only you can figure out, new things, grown-up things that you get to decide about who you are, not next year or sometime later. If there are things about your story now that you wish were different, well, that’s how it is for all of us but I do promise this – you have the power to write your story your way, every day, always – you do not ever have to let other people tell your story for you (Here on the ground? People will try to do that). Your inner strength (which is impressive) will be tested as you figure this stuff out. I am told that the worst thing you can believe about me is that I’m disappointed in you (you got that from me!) but I want to shout from the tree tops “I’m not disappointed in my little bird! My little bird is amazing – all the wonderful things that I hear from all the people who know my baby, they are all true, and more!” Little one – you are amazing. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Let me say that again because its super important and there are voices that will say differently – You Have Nothing To Be Ashamed Of. If I struggle at all, it is with being so proud of you because I don’t want you to confuse what you do (good or bad) and what you accomplish (amazing things) with who you are – you are my baby who wasn’t ever really a baby, who always pushed and did and was just too far ahead and that’s still who you are but sometimes that’s super scary for me, even as I’m all mixed up proud and impressed and baffled at how I got a child like you. I’m sad and afraid because I love you so much and I want you to fly high and strong and never hit the ground and never get too close to the sun either. (Because sometimes moms want things that aren’t exactly real life when it comes to their babies). You’ll have to be more grown up now and I know you’ll handle it. And I know I’ll handle it. I just wasn’t ready for you to jump but maybe I wasn’t ever going to be ready. You’re my little bird and I love you no matter what. Yes, there are hurt feelings and yes, there are difficult conversations ahead and yes, its going to be weird and awkward and all that, because it takes time to get over big yucky feelings – that’s what hitting the ground does. But you’ll still fly and I’ll still be proud of all that is you, my little bird, who jumped too soon for me.